Shamelessly Snarky Healing Necklace for Your "Spiritual Awakening"
This natural Dalmatian Jasper stone charm hangs on a raw brass chain (16–18") and delivers a powerful dose of healing humor, funny new age satire, and spiritual sass. Perfect as a quirky gift for yourself or for all the silly billies in your life, this necklace reminds you that life’s too short not to laugh at yourself. If you find yourself offended, well—maybe it’s time for your next spiritual awakening!
Card Reads:
When the closest you’ve come to balance is holding your big dumb cup and your phone.
Heals emotional wounds—like an ayahuasca trip minus the puke bucket.
Guards against negative energy—except your own toxic thoughts; those are all yours.
Calms a restless mind—believe me, you’re the only one who cares.
Stops you from doing that weird fake accent during Reiki sessions.
Hashtag good vibes only —until the next drama you caused unfolds.
This necklace is cheaper than therapy but just as effective as ignoring your problems.
Perfect for Gemini and Virgo signs —because overthinking is basically your cardio.
